Not even two months ago, I put on my “hard-hitting, investigative journalist” cap, and reported on Moby’s new “VEGAN FOR LIFE” neck tat (Of course, it’s just as weird now, as it was then).
Wildly enough, the Mobe-ster has upped the ante with his tattoos
Moby, ever the picture of health (if you’re going for that gaunt, malnourished look) has gotten “ANIMAL RIGHTS” tattooed on his arms, and I don’t quite know what to think about this. I do have a few theories:
- He’s trying to get himself back into the limelight, but doesn’t know how. Probably googled “what do the kids like these days,” saw a picture of weird-tattooed Post Malone, and thought he’d give that a try (little does he know, for this to be effective, he must own at least one Stone Cold Steve Austin ring-worn vest…but that’s made of leather, and could pose a problem with the whole animal rights-thing)
- Similar to how the traditional 5th anniversary gift is wood, in the vegan community, the 32nd anniversary is wildly obnoxious tattoos. This is not very well known, due to the most vegans not making it 32 years.
- He’s trying to do whatever he can to make people forget that he blatantly lied earlier this year about dating Natalie Portman. In this “me-too” era where weird shit from your past can get you cancelled now, dude claimed they met and dated for a few weeks, but she recollects it slightly differently
(Harper’s Bazaar) I was surprised to hear that he characterized the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school
I mean, he even came back and basically said “No, Natalie, you might not remember it, but we were totally dating” (thought that was a two-way street, but whatevs), before his publicist got to him and he took this post down
Not at all creepy pic.twitter.com/o3pR6VTnBt
— ????? ?✌️✊ (@PoochieVince) May 22, 2019
Yeahhhhhh, the look on N. Port’s face can best be described as “If I let him take this picture, maybe I can escape with my life”
So, yeah, just a little something to think about, that Moby tried to con the world into thinking he briefly dated Natalie Portman, and now is just doing very weird stuff to try to keep your mind off of that.
Despite this, I will promise you know that ANY time I write a Moby blog, I will end it with the only Moby song any of us know, his 1999 BANGER, South Side